


At The Edge Of Eternity

by ThereIsNoTragedyInThat



Series: Know Thy Self [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Nile Freeman Needs a Hug, Soft Booker | Sebastien le Livre, Temporary Character Death, Whumptober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26785390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat/pseuds/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat
Summary: She doesn’t dare look at him, can’t stand to see his wide lifeless eyes and the gaping hole in his head that she put there with a single word, a single choice.
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre/Nile Freeman
Series: Know Thy Self [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1953133
Comments: 12
Kudos: 140
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	At The Edge Of Eternity

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Pick who dies

The blood is seeping into her jeans, too warm and familiar as she kneels next to his body, head bent low over her hands, lips moving in a silent prayer from her childhood. She doesn’t dare look at him, can’t stand to see his wide lifeless eyes and the gaping hole in his head that she put there with a single word, a single choice.

She knows the others are nearby, knows that Joe and Andy are checking the perimeter, making sure the bodies that hit the floor stay there. Nicky is waiting too, just at her shoulder, his presence steady and calm, unobtrusive and she has to resist the urge to turn to him and hide from what she had done.

It’s taking too long.

Her eyes begin to sting, and she bites her lip hard enough to cut. She doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know how to get back to her feet and keep going as if this was nothing, as if he was nothing-

“Nile.”

The prayers die on her tongue, but she doesn’t move.

A hand settles on her shoulder and another on her knee and it gives her the strength she needs to finally look. Booker is still laying there, face streaked with red, a weak smile spread over his face, except the gruesome wound is gone and his eyes aren’t empty. No, they are filled with something soft and a little uncertain, like he isn’t entirely sure she’s kneeling there for him and that right there is enough to break her heart.

There is so much she wants to say.

Nicky’s hand squeezed her shoulder again and she nodded slowly, taking her cue, this isn’t over yet. Nile offered Booker a hard look, “you good?”

Sitting up, he twisted his head from side to side, “I’m good.”

Just like that the tension seemed to dissipate, Nile found herself in position next to Andy, while Joe and Booker followed and Nicky guarded the rear, like nothing had happened. Maybe to them it hadn’t but Nile couldn’t stop thinking, something inside her shaken to its core.

The rest of the mission was easy, but she couldn’t stop tracking Booker, making note of his location and adjusting her position, even when Nicky gave her a considering look that said he’d noticed too. She couldn’t find it in herself to be embarrassed, not when Nicky pressed their foreheads together briefly and took her place at the font so she could watch their backs.

It was better, though the view left her stomach rolling. Nile didn’t mind gore, not after everything she’d learned as an immortal, yet from here she could see the thick blood congealing in Booker’s hair, a constant, steady reminder as they made their way out of the building and toward the getaway car.

Nile’s heart was in her throat all the way to their nearest safehouse, her mind running a mile a minute and she knew Booker noticed because he kept trying to catch her eye. For the moment, she couldn’t bear it, so she kept her eyes down, leaned into Nicky’s side, whose very presence was enough to steady the tremor in her hands. So far, Nicky was the only one she had told, had felt comfortable confessing to.

He hadn’t batted an eye when she had finally choked out her feelings for Booker. Nicky had just tilted his head, weighing his words like he always did before taking her hand and offering a wide smile. He understood why she was so upset, distracted the others with looks and simple questions whenever they seemed about to bring it up and Nile would be forever grateful.

The pressure built inside her as they pulled to a stop outside their newest safehouse, like a wave crashing her against jagged rocks, she felt helpless beneath the swell of it, the emotions that sent her soul burning. The others piled out of the car, but Nile waited, waited for them to move toward the small gravel path before reaching a hand out to grip Booker’s wrist as he moved past her.

He stilled instantly as the others went on.

She knew he was looking at her, his eyes probably doing that confused kick-puppy thing he was so damned good at, wondering what was wrong with her. Still, Nile couldn’t bear to meet his gaze, to see the blood splattered across his face…knowing it was all her fault.

“Nile,” his voice was soft, uncertain. “What’s wrong?”

That made her look up because the thought that he didn’t know, didn’t realize what she had done, didn’t understand the gravity of it, was as painful as her ribs snapping all at once. Except, the moment she did, and Booker saw her, saw the wetness in her eyes, the agony and he seemed to stop breathing abruptly.

Suddenly, his calloused hands were cupping her cheeks as he leaned in close, expression slipping away from confusion and settling into one of abject shock, “Nile?”

She couldn’t help herself, reached up and wrapped her trembling fingers around his wrists, holding him there, needing him, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

Nile swallowed and forced out the words, tasting of ash on her lips, “I killed you.”

He looked at her, his eyes darting between hers as though searching for some hidden meaning in her simple words. Nile realized she was afraid he wouldn’t understand, that he still valued his life so little after all these years.

Just as her will began to crumble, her knees going weak as she contemplated living with this all by herself, something in his expression broke. A familiar little smile tugged at the edges of his lips and he pulled her into a tight embrace, arms encircling her, strong and comforting.

Nile didn’t hesitate, burrowing into his chest, wiping her tears on his shirt, uncaring for the blood and sweat that covered them both. One hand was on the back of her head, holding her close and now she could feel his heartbeat against her cheek, steady and strong.

“Nile,” he murmured. “I’m alive. I’m okay. You made the right choice.”

Her fingers curled into his shirt, unwilling to hear that killing any of them was the right choice even if she knew why he thought so. The situation had been dire, if only because they’d been surrounded and drugged. Nile couldn’t let them get captured again, she just couldn’t, and they wanted a show, wanted to see them die and come back to life.

A cruel sense of humor to make her choose.

Nile had seen Nicky working steadily at the restraints, his expression calm, Joe blocking his movements the best he could. She had tried to distract them, to drag it out, willing Nicky to hurry up and get lose.

But they had lost their patience.

She had to choose.

Nile would have picked herself if she could, but they wouldn’t have it, thinking it would ruin their fucked-up game. In the end she had played the odds and that alone had made her hate herself something fierce. Andy had been out, obviously, human that she was, which left the others.

She knew they wouldn’t have held it against her, would have reassured her like Booker was doing now, still that didn’t make it any easier. She had chose Booker, not because Nicky was working at the restraints and had the best chance of getting out, not because Joe was helping to hide what he was doing, no it was far simpler then all that.

He was the youngest besides herself.

She couldn’t lose anyone, and Booker had the best chance of surviving.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Booker whispered, arms tightening around her.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” she hissed.

“Neither do you.”

“Booker-”

“Nile-”

They cut each other off, their stern voices silencing the other and Nile shook her head, letting herself sink into him, eyes squeezed shut against the ache in her heart. They stood there for a long time, longer then was comfortable but neither pulled away and Nile felt the words travelling up her throat, creeping closer until it tickled her tongue and pressed against her lips and she was helpless all over again, this new, softer emotion finding its way into the space between their bodies.

“I love you.”

He seemed to go still and Nile waited for a gentle reprimand, expected him to pat her back and extricate himself from the embrace, say something meaningful and honest with that too intense gaze of his…yet it never came.

“Nile…”

Booker did pull away a little bit, just enough so he could place a finger beneath her chin and tilt her head up. She followed the movement reluctantly, until she was starring into his eyes, which were shadowed with the night around them, yet were filled to bursting with emotion that took her breathe away.

“You really mean that, don’t you?” his breath ghosted across her face, a soft exhalation, the words as ethereal as a ghost.

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t” she replied quietly.

This time the smile that lit up his face was anything but tentative and Nile found herself mirroring it, the horror slipping away in the face of something new, something warm and sweet and lovely.

When Booker leaned down to kiss her, Nile felt like she could breathe again, the weight in her stomach turning to butterflies and the grip on her lungs loosening until she was light-headed with it all. She kissed him back of course and it was the easiest thing in the world, like it always meant to happen this way and like it always would.

She washed her sins away in the stream of love that came from that moment, from the man who she hoped would be by her side for as long as their little eternity would last.


End file.
